I need to find someone who will make my heart soar, my skin tremble, my mind awaken, and my eyes see.
i want to find someone
who is devoted
who is honest
who is trustworthy
who has a sense of humor
who will share his feelings/worries/dreams
who will take responsibility
who can be serious when needed
who is spontaneous
who can make me laugh
who can make me stop crying
who understands me and my little quirks
who understands that when i give my body my heart goes with it
who understands that it takes time to fall in love...it is not something that happens within a matter of weeks
who wants to get married
who will want children
who can accept my faults
who loves me better for them
who will support me and encourage me...not let me quit or do any less than my best
who understands that i am me...i come with a past, a little baggage, dreams, hopes, goals, oddities, and a thirst

this thirst has yet to be quenched....even when i am with someone i often feel unattached and alone...i have no constant in my life, no companion in the night except the moon - and even the moon is constantly changing, shifting her white orb around us, hiding from the sun's glare.

i long to have this need fulfilled...
all i can do is wait...wait and pray

ok i believe karen is right now - i have a problem.

karen has been saying all along how ever since justin i have felt the need to have a guy...the problem is once i have a guy...i begin thinking i like him, then i realize i simply liked the idea of him.



ugh i need to figure shit out for myself. i cancelled the match.com subscription because some of the guys i met from there were...pathetic to put it nicely. i need to just by chance meet someone, hit it off, and see where it goes from there. maybe someday

yea i am really becoming addicted to this livejournal thing. i just wish i had something more interesting to write about than what happens to me day to day. but ohwell its fun to write anyway.

yea so today i am going to lunch w my cousin ash and we will do the usual of filling in the crazy shit weve done since we have last seen eachother...hers usually includes parties, alcohol, clubbing/bars and bisexual activity lol and mine is usually assoiciated with how many guys i have gone on dates with and if i have done anything else with my sorta fwb (i havent...im put an end to that bc the guy really wants to date me yet is really also just wanting booty call...interesting combination...oh and no worries...we have only kissed so far so its not a real fwb relationship...i dont do that stuff so casually). so yea i pretty much havent talked to him in a few days besides the occasional "hi how are you" IMs.

then after lunch i have to go to work for 6 oclock for my 'review' - yea i have been here for a year now and im finally getting a review i should have had 6 months ago! its going to be pointless...esp considering that since i am a server i cant get a raise...my wonderful 2.89 an hour will stay where it is so...yea pointless!

then later i am prob gonna go out w a girl from work - Belinda and i keep trying to make plans but something or another always comes up...so lets see how this goes.

ok well..ho hum ill probably write something later
adios!

yea well work sucked major ass tonight - i was out by 730 bc it was so dead. so im home, online with no one on and i get a random IM from grosso. really random...asking me if there was any chance id be up for hanging out. now around this time its like 9 so i told him id just have to shower because i smelled like chilis and then id pick him out. we went to friendlys and bullshitted around - which is funny bc we never even hung out in highschool but whatever- and then we drove around no prov and johnston till like 130 in the morning - talking about and doing things i never thought i would with grosso....funny as hell

yea...kind of a random night
but oh well it was fun.

well yesterday i ended up just walking around like a zoombie all day...oh well it was worth it. i called dave and we ended up deciding to grab a bite to eat. we had planned on uno's in warwick but he got there first and called me bc he wanted to go somewhere else bc it was too dead at uno's - first time i ever had someone want to change restaurants bc it was too UNcrowded lol. so we went to smokey bones and had awesome steaks (the carnivore in me was in heaven). then i ended up dishing about my many problems (a ritual for us) and we ended up talking til like 1230 in the morning...lol. it was amusing.


dave really cheered me up yesterday. i have been having so many problems - doubting my self control and restraint...and he pointed out all the things i had been doing and how many times i had been in situations where i could have done things and i didnt...so yea. he also helped me come to terms and understand more fully why that happened with jay. so i finally feel better about myself which is always good.

i didnt go to my first class today bc i overslept so im just sitting in donovan on my lappy then going to class at 11 only to come back here. funnn. then class again then work. today sucks!